Invest In Yourself-- What Self Care Actually Looks Like

You have probably heard the words self care a lot recently, but maybe have heard various definitions. And it's true. Those words can mean different things to different people. But I do want to dispel some myths that I used to believe and give you tangible ways to invest in yourself.

Gif from @waywardtedcup

Let's start with some myths. I was very hesitant to state these myths because this is purely my opinion. But I have already written them so it is what it is.

MYTH #1: Self care is binge watching Netflix.

One of my professors actually called me out for this one. Binge watching Netflix is addicting and although it can relieve some anxiety or distract your brain for awhile, it is not self-care. Yes, it's nice because it can give you a break from reality and help you unwind, but it is usually not good for your mental state. At least for me, binge watching Netflix leaves me feeling empty and useless.

Myth #2: Self care is spending money (if I am really going to expose myself, it is buying a latte every day.)

Now don't get me wrong, self care can involve spending money on yourself. But it does not mean that spending money on yourself is self care. Not sure if that made sense so let me give you an example. It can be self care to buy yourself a face mask or a coffee to pump you up. Screw it, even buying yourself a new outfit that makes you feel confident can be emotional self care. But spending money on yourself all the time is not going to fix your problems. Like "retail therapy" is avoiding resolving your feelings and that is not healthy.

Another thing I did not realize is that self care takes being intentional and making the time for it. A lot of times I would believe that I was taking care of myself naturally because I was always doing something. However, I was eating bad, exercise was out of the question (main bc I hate it but growing to love it) and even forgetting what I enjoyed because I did not have time. Don't do this. Make time for yourself to grocery shop, make healthy but seasoned meals, make time for your passions, and make time to exercise!!

Now let's get to the definition of self care; what it is and what it is not.

PsychCentral states: "Self-care is any activity that we do deliberately in order to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health. Although it’s a simple concept in theory, it’s something we very often overlook. Good self-care is key to improved mood and reduced anxiety. It’s also key to a good relationship with oneself and others."

Basically, it is something that refuels you so you can fully function mentally and physically. I really liked this quote from PsychCentral: "Self-care isn’t a selfish act either. It is not only about considering our needs; it is rather about knowing what we need to do in order to take care of ourselves, being subsequently, able to take care of others as well. That is, if I don’t take enough care of myself, I won’t be in the place to give to my loved ones either."

For me personally, self care is setting aside time to invest in myself so I can be in a stable emotional state to invest in others. It also means getting to know yourself so you can be confident in who you are and wholeheartedly seek your purpose.

Now that we have an idea of what self care is, let's look at tangible ways to implement it into our every day lives. I have separated the categories into mind, body, and soul. Just a reminder that these are all suggestions, don't feel overwhelmed or pressured to do them all.

Mind:

1. Watch a Ted Talk and journal a short reflection. (DM me for my faves)

2. Take a day off of social media. This is quite difficult, especially for an addict like me. I deleted Twitter for about a week because I found it was affecting me so much deeper than I thought. At first it was so boring and I kept trying to go back to it. But I found a book to read instead and I started this blog! Taking away the distraction was so healthy for my own development.

3. Wake up earlier. Plan your day. It makes ya feel good and I read this article that the most successful people wake up at like 5am or earlier. Also want to encourage you that success looks different for everyone and never compare yourself to others. Only you can be the best most bada$$ you boo.

4. Start a DIY project! Goodwill is full of fun finds and can easily turn into a fun project that develops your skills.

5. Learn a new skill. Has there been something that you have always wanted to learn?

6. Watch a documentary and then tell someone about it at dinner. My favorites are 13th, Bully, Nefarious, and Miss Representation.

7. Take some personality tests. I really enjoy personality tests because it explains how I interact with the world. They can also help grow your relationships and give good advice. I suggest the Myers Briggs (or 16 personalities) and the enneagram. You can also take the strengths quest.

https://www.16personalities.com/

https://www.eclecticenergies.com/enneagram/test

8. Identify your top values. During the leadership minor, our class did so many activities that allowed us to get to know ourselves inside and out. This was one of the activities they had us do and I loved it! I found out my top value is growth because it can be used in so many contexts; relationships with friends and family, growing my brain, empathy, passions..etc.

Click on this worksheet below. You can either print it or do it online. Circle your top ten values. Then eliminate 5. Then out of those, select your top 3. Then 2. Then 1. Reflect on why you chose those.

Body:

1. Stretch. It is such a simple thing that we always forget. (I don't know if you ever watched the gymnastics show make it or break it, but the lead gymnast would wake up and stretch in her bed before she got ready for the day.)

2. Learn a new healthy recipe. You will not only nourish your body, but you will be developing your skills and feel accomplished. (if you need recipe inspiration I have provided a link to my Fitness Craze board on Pinterest.

https://www.pinterest.com/beksterloves/fitness-craze/

3. Learn a new dance on youtube. Exercising releases endorphins and happy people don't kill people. Also, you can impress your friends when you go to the club.

4. Drink water. This is so much harder than it sounds. I suggest to buy a reusable water bottle that holds a good amount and always have it handy.

5. Go for a walk. Walking is v underrated and can clear your head and transform your mood. Here is are two Ted Talks on why walking changes lives. https://www.ted.com/talks/t_morgan_dixon_and_vanessa_garrison_walking_as_a_revolutionary_act_of_self_care/transcript?language=en

https://www.ted.com/talks/marily_oppezzo_want_to_be_more_creative_go_for_a_walk?referrer=playlist-why_not_walk_it_out

6. Go to a workout class. Group exercise isn't for everyone, but I love it. It keeps me accountable and motivates me to push through the pain--mainly because people are around. Zumba, pilates, and muscle pump are some of my favorites.

7. Grab a friend and play tennis! I really enjoy tennis but any sport works.

Soul:

1. Write a friend a card and mail it to them. Self care isn't selfish and investing in your friends mental health is also rewarding for you. It creates an environment of support.

2. Go get coffee and have deep conversations with a life giving friend. Hanging out with friends can rejuvenate your soul.

3. Write a list of dreams/goals. If you cannot think of any, here is a short exercise you can do. Cleo Wade said "It is never too late to become the person you've always wanted to be." and I took that to heart. So to think of some goals, think of the person you highly admire. Why do you admire them? What traits do they have that you like? What is something you have always wanted to do, no matter how unrealistic?

4. Listen to the song Dog Days by Florence and the Machines. Maybe it's just me, but wow that songs really pump me up!!

5. Make a playlist on Spotify of songs that make you happy. I titled mine feels forrealz. Or make your friend a playlist.

6. Volunteer with or without friends! Investing in yourself can also be investing in the community you live in. Not sure about you, but I learn most about myself when I am serving others. And usually it is fun and you get connected with people who share that same mission. There are so many opportunities to volunteer so you can find one you are interested in. I am about to write an article about different volunteer opportunities within Chicago.

7. Say no. I am a HUGE people pleaser and I never knew how to say no because I thought my friends would no longer want to be my friend if I did not want to do whatever they wanted to do. Well, if you have people that get mad at you every time you say no, you don't need them in your life. Also, part of making time for self care is saying no to several things, even if they sound really fun but you know they will drain you and you have already had a draining week.

8. Write out a list of what you are thankful for. Then write a list of things you like about yourself. Remind yourself of these when you are feeling down.

9. Change your perspective. If you are needing to solve a problem and it has been making you anxious, try to look at it from another persons point of view. It might help you come up with more creative solutions and build your empathy!

10. Start a devotional that you actually like! I start devotionals, but I never finish them. I am trying to get better. What has helped me is finding devotionals that fit my needs. If I am struggling with anxiety about something, I will look up devotionals for that...etc. Connecting with God affirms me in my identity. Like the fact the God can unconditionally love me, not despite my flaws, but loves me while I am still in my sin is so freeing. I do not have to earn His love. God provides, strengthens, and empowers me even when I fall short. Which I do on the daily. Shoot on the hourly. And an even more amazing thing is He loves us all the same. Which means every single person has value. Going to church does not make you better than another person in God's eyes. Missing church does not make you a horrible person. Going to church doesn't make you a great person. Unconditional love man. Its a crazy concept. (PS I was able to go to Transformation Church in Tulsa this week to finish the grace like a flood series and wow so so good. Please watch.)

Anyways I'll stop preaching, but just know you are loved, strong, and valued.

Sources: https://psychcentral.com/blog/what-self-care-is-and-what-it-isnt-2/